This cat seriously needs a lawyer!

The following comes to you courtesy of our cat, Hekyl, who asked he be given an opportunity to share his grievances. We are fair-minded people and are trying to avoid a lawsuit so we’re giving Hekyl an opportunity to share his side of the story.

It has been a week of sheer torture for me.  Last Monday I overheard the authorities, Jerry and Charlotte, discuss how they would spend their 52nd anniversary. He said “let’s go to lunch someplace special”,  and she said, “That’s fine, but we need to work around the cats’ schedule”. Before I knew what hit me, the authorities  stuffed me and my brother Jekyl into these little black cases and zipped us in. Then they put us into this thing called a car that made a lot of noise and moved at a rapid speed. Brother and I howled the entire way to this place called the vet which is not to be confused with Authority Jerry who is a veteran of the U.S.Navy, of which he is very proud.  At the vet’s office, some lady poked and prodded our bodies, forced open our mouths and almost made us puke has she poked around our tongue and teeth. Then she brought out this long needle thing and shoved it into our buns. She said something about it being a rabies shot. Then we were stuffed back into the carriers and put into the car. We howled all the way home. We were so relieved to be back in the safety of our room with our kitty condo and our poo poo box.

You simply will not believe what happened the following morning. The authorities stuffed me back into that case, zipped me in, and tossed me into the backseat of the car. Down the road we went, all the while I was howling at the top of my lungs. Authority Charlotte had the unmitigated gall to tell me to be calm,  it was going to be all right and that she loved me. Yeah, right. This is how you treat someone you love? Well, I certainly am glad you don’t hate me, Mrs Authority. When the car finally stopped, Authority Jerry carried me into this building where there were dogs. I wasn’t used to being around these loud, obnoxious, smelly, drooling creatures, and it totally freaked me out. I again howled to the best of my ability and cried like a newborn baby, but it did no good because the authorities let some strange woman I had never seen before whisk me off to the back room where I suffered the greatest humiliation of my life. I was given a bath, shaved, trimmed and had my nails clipped. I thought the torture would never end, but the authorities finally rescued me after four hours of persecution. I was so traumatized and exhausted I didn’t even cry on the way home. Back to the safety (or so I hoped) of my home, utter chaos ensued because my own brother, my womb mate and so-called best friend didn’t recognize me. He bared his teeth, laid back his ears and hissed like a banshee. It has now been a week, and my brother is still terrorizing me. He chases me away from the food dish, off the authorities’ bed, and even tries to force me away from all three of our kitty trees. He is ruthless. He is evil. I cannot believe we are brothers from the same mother. Where did I go wrong? I am thinking perhaps a lawsuit would be justified. I could sue the authorities as well as my womb mate. I have heard the authorities say many times our society is too litigious. I will show them litigious. I want revenge. Please, anyone reading this, help me out of this deplorable situation.  I am half naked since they let that woman shave off most of my luxurious long hair just because it had become matted. Perhaps I will be more cooperative in the future when they attempt to brush me. But now, after a full week, my brother still doesn’t recognize me. Maybe he’s just faking it and is attempting to lord it over me that he has a thick, luxurious coat and I look like a skinned rat. Help me out, folks.

The name of a good attorney, please.  Seriously!!!

25 Comments

  1. Marlene Fondrick

    That really brightened my day and made me laugh out loud especially when I got to the picture. Sorry, Hekyl, I love that you lost half (or more) of your Hyde. Your authority has helped you write something so funny. She is to be complemented. No support from me for you to sue. You are beautiful just the way you are.

  2. Glenda

    I was at Laura’s house, she the great animal lover, when your email arrived and I read it out loud. Laura was so loving the point of view of Hekyl having strong feelings of being man-womanhandled while on the way to the vets and back back at home with the womb brother😂Laura and I loved the story!!!!!

  3. Peggy

    Why did only Hekyl have this experience and not Jekyl?
    LOVED this blog. Read it out loud to Don as we were driving to St. Louis! Char, you are SO clever! Enjoyed seeing you and Jerry. Thanks for coming to the airport to meet us. Did I text you the photos?

    • Jekyl has very short hair and loves to be brushed so he did not have the issue with matting. It’s very sad because Jekyl has a superiority complex right now while Hek is suffering from a poor self image even though we try to reassure him he’s beautiful. Now they are locked in their room while the cleaning ladies are here. One can only hope there won’t be a big fight! You did not text us the pictures, Peggy! Hope your time in Hawaii was amazing.

  4. Terry

    Loved this blog – we used to have a cat that we had to have shaved every summer due to matting. She always acted so embarrassed when she came home. Hang in there Hekyl your beautiful fur will grow back 🙂

  5. Mary

    Poor kitty. I’d sue too if they cut off my mane without my permission. And tell your bratty brother to go pound salt. If he doesn’t watch it he’ll be next! 😂

  6. Sharon Madson

    Char, you were a ‘hoot’ fifty-plus years ago and you still have it!!! Enjoyed the story and appreciate the late evening laugh. Hi to Jerry and ‘the boys’ and keep up the good work. Sharon

  7. Kim Hintze

    And you call yourself a cat lover Authority Charlotte “seriously”?
    I think instead of a lawsuit, Authority Jerry needs to take Jekyl in for a matching haircut like brother’s.

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